(If you don’t belong here, get lost.)
The papers always lied about us. To get the truth in print, I finally had to take matters into my own hands. So here it is: The true tale of the Purple Gang. It’s yours to own, provided you do as I say and hand over your money now.
Oh, so you need a little more convincing? See the so-called links below to find out more reasons to buy the book.
Yours in penal servitude, Joe Bernstein
A FEW THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW BEFORE YOU TRY TO LEAVE
• Why it is such a bad idea to show your back to any member of the Purples, especially at the movies.
• Why you should understand that Jewish gangsters are no joke.
• The shocking story of what happened to Arthur Nix , who—like you—once innocently wandered into our midst.
• Why you should never utter the name Henry Ford in my presence.
• Why there is absolutely nothing cute about “the babies.”
• What happens to those who say bad things about The Purples (book reviewers, please take note).
IN CASE YOU WANT TO TRY A FREE SWIG BEFORE YOU BUY…
If you want to sample some of the good stuff, we’ll give you a first swig for free. See that guy peeking through the slot below? Tap on his door and tell him “Joe sent me” (that’s the password everyone used in speakeasies, back in the day).
ANY MORE QUESTIONS?
• Who is this gimp Riley and why is he the supposed hero of this story?
• How does a speakeasy queen fit into the story?
• How did my girl Rachel get mixed up with a U.S. Attorney General?
• What was the city of Detroit like in my day before it all went to hell?
• What the f––k does Elvis Presley have to do with all this?
• Why purple?
• And finally, WWJBD? (Advice and wisdom from me, Joe Bernstein).